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no effort, no gain;
a little bit of effort, tremendous gain
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c-success
April 2010
greetings %%First Name%% & welcome to april's edition of c-success
Is there a part of your life you'd like to change, such as your career or the place you live, but you feel that something is holding you back?
In this month's c-success we refer to Maslow's hierarchy of needs to assist you to see that whatever position you might be in right now, is not the situation you're locked into for life. It's never too late to become the person you wish to be.
level 1 - physical survival
These are our most basic biological needs. Satisfying these keeps us alive. We need air, food, water, sleep, shelter and warmth. The lowest but most immediate level of Maslow's hierarchy (the pyramid) has its own hierarchy of sorts because as Maslow pointed out, "someone dying of thirst quickly forgets their thirst when they have no oxygen".
blocks
When you have access to all the food, water and air you need, and a roof over you head, your perception of survival needs can become distored. For example, you may convince yourself that you can't leave a job, even if it's dead boring or slowly killing you with stress and pressure. The reason is that a deep-rooted part of you believes that you wouldn't survive without it because you wouldn't have the means to acquire food and shelter. Or you may become desensitised to the signals your body is sending you or get your wires crossed. For example, you may be thirsty but you don't notice the signs of thirst or you interpret it as hunger instead. Or your body may have had enough food for its nourishment but fail to read the 'full' signals and continue eating.
steps you can take
show your appreciation to your body for all it does for you by nourishing it with health food, lots of water, sleep, exercise and a bit of pampering.
make it a regular practice to be still fo a few minutes each day. Quieten your mind, take a few deep breaths and tune into what your physical body is trying to tell you.
eat slowly and consciously and maintain a tranquil mind during mealtimes. Really experience the taste of each mouthful.
level 2 - security and safety
At this level, we have a need to be in safe, stable circumstances and out of harm's way. In modern life, this often translates into wanting a secure home and job, a healthy nest egg to retire on and the right insurance protection.
In prehistoric times, the natural response to danger would be to hide or to run away from the threat. Although the world has changed, that primitive response remains within us, which explains why so many of us react to fears or challenges by withdrawing to protect ourselves.
blocks
Many of us allow fear and insecurity to become the drivers in our lives. We fear upsetting the apple cart in relationships or venturing into the unknown because deep down we fear a loss of safety and security. This may explain why anxiety is so common. It goes hand in had with sleep disturbance.
Those who are most fearful are also the most vulnerable to abusive relationships and self-harming behaviours, such as addictions and eating disorders.
steps you can take
relax more. Take long deep breaths from your diaphragm, use exercise to burn off stress hormones and make more time for calming activities such as listening to soothing music and taking baths.
get your worries off your chest by talking to someone you trust or by recording them in a journal.
examine your fears for irrational, crooked thoughts which don't serve you, such as black or white thinking and catastrophising. A good place to start is by talking to a Coach.
level 3 - love, affection & belonging
Humans are sociable beings with a deep need for a sense of belonging, for connection, touch, love, sexual intimacy and for the satisfaction that comes from being part of a couple or group. When these needs aren't met, hungering for them can dominate your thinking and motivations.
Although Maslow placed these needs higher up the pyramid than basic survival needs, it was not his intention to imply that they were any less crucial to our wellbeing.
Most of us strive to have a loving, intimate relationship with someone special and a rich network of friends and family to support and care about us.
Love and connection are so essential, that it's not surprising many of us confuse food and love. Once you've satisfied your physical need for food but your're still hungry, what you are hungry for is no longer food, but love and comfort.
blocks
Most of us carry wounds, scars and unhelpful behavioural patterns from past relationships, including those with our parents, which can stop us from engaging intimately with another person. Then there is the isolation of modern life - computers, working from home, high divorse rates, and not getting to know our neighbours.
steps you can take
the next time you feel tempted to eat for comfort, identify what your're really feeling and craving.
if you don't have enough access to human touch, satisfy the need in other ways, such as a massage or hugging friends and pets.
use the power of group support to strengthen your motivations and your resolve to get healthier.
meet more people by volunteering or joining local groups.
level 4 - esteem needs
This level is all about how you view yourself and how you are viewed by others. Most of us have been searching for external sources of esteem - other people's opinions of us - all our lives.
blocks
Self-esteem is all about perception and those with a poor self-image may only see distortions, which can lead to a steady monologue of put-downs and negative thoughts. It's all too common for women with low body confidence to put their lives on hold because they don't feel they look the part. They feel that if they lost weight, had a flatter tummy or were taller, prettier or bustier, then their lives would really begin. So our bodies become the ultimate distraction, stopping us from looking deeper into ourselves and our relationships, and blocking us from leading the lives we want.
steps you can take
identify what you could change about yourself that would help to boost your self-esteem, such as breaking bad habits and focus on making those changes.
let yourself off the hook for things you can't change.
cut out the critical self chatter and tune into a nurturing, loving and supportive voice instead.
level 5 - self-actualisation, fulfilment needs
This occupies the highest level of Maslow's pyramid of needs and it's about the need to find meaning and satisfaction and to follow your passions in life.
When you are operating from a place of self-actualisation, you will feel empowered and inspired. This level can provide you with the richest resources to draw on when you want to sharpen your focus and boost your self-control.
Being self-actualising is being self-determined and at the heart of your decisions in life. So when, for example, you decide to change a pattern of behaviour, such as eating or drinking habits, you will be far more likely to succeed, if your're the one who is choosing it for yourself. This is because having genuine choices keeps your self-control reserves high, so your're far less likely to lapse in the face of temptation.
blocks
For many of us, it's the fast pace of life that stands in the way of us achieving higher levels of satisfaction and fulfilment. We become human 'doings' rather than human 'beings' and all that constant energy we expend on keeping ourselves in motion stops us from looking within and fully engaging with what we are doing.
According to Maslow, as long as lower-level needs exist and remain unfulfilled, they will be your prime motivators and they may stop you from achievinghigher levels of satisfaction unless they are attended to.
steps you can take
be fully present in this moment. It's impossible to press 'rewind' or 'fast forward' - all you have is the present moment, so be fully conscious of its many rich textures. Doing this can make even boring tasks, like washing up, seem new and fascinating!
step out of any places in your life where you feel the victim and instead, step into empowerment.
allow yourself to regularly reflect on the meaning of your life and what you want from it.
let passion be your guide and give creativity plenty of room to thrive and blossom.
be the person you've always envisaged being
Let your past be your past and decide to move forward.
Remember that those in your life are supporting you. They love all of you, not just the parts you think you are happy with.
Remember to love yourself, whether you are happy or sad, not just when you are happy.
If you'd like some assistance around unlocking your true potential, coaching4success has expertise in unleashing potential and transforming it into success.
a personal side
 In march, Kaye celebrated her birthday with her mum, Gwen. Gwen turned 82! Here they are enjoying time together at the seaside, following a meal of oysters natural and a glass of chardonay.
how is Kaye progressing with her new year's resolution?You may remember from February's edition of c-success, Kaye's new year resolution, and therefore goal, was that 2010 will be her year of health and wellbeing.
Kaye has reached her target weight, having reduced her weight by 8 kg since 2 January. She is maintaining that weight with a healthy diet, regular exercise and moderate alcohol intake.
In relation to life/work balance, Kaye is playing golf twice a week - although this doesn't seem to be improving her handicap :)
From a 'medical' perspective, she is not doing quite so well. Three weeks ago, following a session in the gym and a swim Kaye experienced total deafness in her left ear. After many tests including an MRI of the brain, the ENT surgeon diagnosed 'sudden sensorineural hearing loss'. This is a condition that isn't that rare apparently and results in permenent hearing loss.
Kaye is now learning to manage as many other people do and adjust her life to cope with deafness.
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