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Copyright© coaching4success pty ltd, all rights reserved 2009.Permission is granted to reproduce, copy or distribute c-success as long as this copyright notice and our website address is attached. Contributions and comments are welcomed and can be sent to:kaye@coaching4success.com.au PO Box 1338 Coorparoo Q4151 AUSTRALIA telephone: +61 7 3392 0515
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C-Success
August 2009
Greetings & Welcome to August's Edition of C-Success
Thank you for inviting us into your inbox.
Swine flu..... personal odors..... hygiene... These are all intimate issues.In this issue of c-success we will look at difficult conversations around intimate issues. These conversations could involve everything from body odor to weight concerns to family planning. Some times you must speak up, sometimes you must maintain silence and sometimes you find yourself in a grey area, unsure of what to do. c-success will look at what to say - or not to say - and when and how to say it.
Unleash Your Potential
Coaching4success' specialty area is making the difficult conversation easy. A difficult conversation is an interchange with another person that makes you feel tense, edgy, nervous, angry, irritated, irked, humiliated, sad or otherwise uncomfortable before, during or after it occurs.In the last edition, we put the spot light on assertion. In this issue we will focus on 'hygiene issues' that need effective communication delicately achieved.handling hygiene issuesLet's face it. People smell, some more than others. There are a variety of reasons for body odor or bad breath: bacteria that live in sweat or in the mouth; inadequate bathing or oral care; specific health problems, such as diabetes or thyroid disorders; consumption of large amounts of onion, garlic or other aromatic foods; smoking; illness, such as a cold or sinus infection; medications of various types; or even incontinence.Sometimes we just live with odors. But there are times when it is 'best' to provide this feedback to the person who 'owns' the odor.We agonise over the way to say it and the consequences of doing so. We avoid the conversation for fear of the confrontation and because we are afraid the person may be hurt or angry. We worry about what is legal to say.What's the best way to bring up the subject?Sending an anonymous e-mail or worse still leaving a deodorant stick on the offenders' desk is not an option. It must be done face-to-face and in private.The words to use. You might start by admitting your own discomfort: "Jim, I need to talk with you about a personal issue and there's no way to make it easy for either one of us." You then need to move quickly to the issue.
coaching4success suggests you use this 3 step technique:
1. say what you perceive (smell): "I've noticed that you often have considerable body odor that you may not be aware of."
2. say how it makes you feel: "I'm concerned because this is a new problem. I've never noticed it before Sometimes an odor can indicate a physical problem and I want you to be sure there's nothing wrong."
3. say what you want: "I hope you'll check it out and so something about it Frankly, it's pretty unpleasant."The responses to your little bombshell may vary. Jim may:
- Close down the conversation as quickly as possible because he's embarrassed. Expect this. No one wants to hang around for a detailed dissection of his offensiveness.
- Thank you for bringing it to his attention. This is the ideal outcome. Don't count on it.
- Tell you he's started taking garlic tablets (or some other medication) and had no idea it was bothering anyone else. He may say something like, "You know, it gave me a awful taste in my mouth, but I didn't know it went beyond my own body. I'll see what I can do to tone it down."
- Blow up and tell you to mind your own business. You might notice a change for the better in spite of this.
coaching4success is experienced in coaching people through difficult conversations. Contact our lead Coach Kaye Blackburn on +61 7 3392 0515 or by e-mail. Touchy Situations, We often find ourselves in a quagmire with family and friends and don't know what to say when a touchy situation arises.Have you ever been asked:
- "Why don't you have children?"
- "Why would you give up your career to be a stay-at-home mum? It's a waste of your brain."
- "Why don't you stay home and take care of your children?"
- "How much money do you make?"
- "Why aren't you married? You're so good looking. Are you gay (or a lesbian)?"
These conversational 'droppings' are simply unacceptable from anyone, even Great Aunt Betty at the family reunion. Being nosy about things that are clearly none of your business can bring conversations to a halt or make them contentious. The people who are subjected to such an inappropriate 3rd degree often are shocked into silence or come out swinging.The reason these questions are so insulting is that in most cases they aren't questions at all. They are judgements, and being judged makes people feel defensive and irritated. You can choose to answer such invasions of your personal life in several ways. coaching4success suggests maintaining decorum but letting the intruder know he or she is way out of line. You could say:
- "I'll forgive you for asking such a personal question if you'll forgive me for not answering it." Add a smile, then walk away.
- "Why are you interested in that?" Such a nice way to say 'none of your business'.
- "That's a personal matter, don't you think?" Smile, disarming the questioner.
- "Why would you ask me that?" Look perplexed, not angry. This will give the questioner a moment to think about their own behaviour.
- "That question is very hurtful to me and I'd prefer not to answer it." Being brutally honest is an acceptable response to an unacceptable query.
It's natural to be interested in other people's lives and why they make the decisions they do, but sometimes we have to live with not knowing. Some boundaries should be maintained, and self-censorship is a valuable emotional intelligence (EQ) skill.To avoid the fallout from an intrusive question, remember that the best way to keep a difficult conversation from happening might be to remain silent. If you'd like some coaching around difficult conversations that involve 'touchy situations' contact our lead Coach Kaye Blackburn at coaching4success on +61 7 3392 0515 or by e-mail
Referrals
Coaching4success is a referrals based businessLike most service businesses, coaching4success is a referrals based business. If you can think of anyone who might like to read c-success on a bi-monthly basis, please e-mail coaching4success and let us know. congratulations Kaye Coach, Kaye Blackburn is now a PCC.What does that mean? PCC is the acronym for Professional Certified Coach, a qualification awarded by the International Coach Federation (ICF).There are three levels of ICF credentialling:
- ACC - Associate Certified Coach
- PCC - Professional Certified Coach
- MCC - Master Certified Coach
Criteria Kaye met to become a PCC included: a minimum of 125 accredited coach-training hours; being mentor coached; a minimum of 750 documented client-coaching-hours; reference letters from senior coaches who have heard Kaye coach; and demonstrated competency in the ICF's 3 part exam.What is the benefit to you?ICF credentials are highly recognised coaching qualification with credibility around the world. The PCC credential provides potential clients with confidence about Kaye's value, expereince, high professional standards and strong code of ethics. Having the PCC credential differentiates Kaye in the market place as a professional coach who provides value and a postive R.O.I.Read more about Kaye at coaching4success.com.au/about us a personal side Christmas in JulyKaye joined 29 immediate and extended family members at O'Carrollyn's ECO Village, Port Stephens.
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