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coaching4uccess can be your partner who holds you accountable and facilitates the achievement of your true potential.
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Although you may believe that emotions rise up by themselves, the fact is that before you feel an emotion, you have experienced a thought, even if the thought was so fleeting you weren't aware of it. How you think about a conversational exchange determines your emotional response to it.
"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you imagined." Henry David Thoreau.
C-Success
April 2009
Greetings & Welcome to April's Edition of C-Success
Thank you for inviting us into your inbox.
Australia has been suffering devastating bush fires in the south and floods in the north. Through-out all this tragedy the Australian sense of humour prevails. ABC News Online recently reported some examples of this humour: An interstate cousin phoned her relative asking if she could send a food parcel, adding tongue in cheek that, she could put some marshmallows in if they liked. A woman whose house burned down survived by hiding in a wombat hole. She later joked, "You know, I've now got a welcome mat for it." When the same woman was seen in the street with a bag of clothes from the relief warehouse, she said, "Mmm... I think I'll go with the minimalist approach this year." Humour is important in unltimes of crisis. It expresses a sense of mastery and hope. It can also mask overwhelming, intense feelings. In tragedy and in difficult conversations, it is important that we don't 'bottle up' feelings. Feelings need to be expressed to facilitate robust communication.
Unleash Your Potential
Coaching4success' specialty area is making the difficult conversation easy. A difficult conversation is an interchange with another person that makes you feel tense, edgy, nervous, angry, irritated, irked, humiliated, sad or otherwise uncomfortable before, during or after it occurs. In the last edition, we put the spot light on Listening.
In this issue we will focus on feelings, another key aspect of communicating. A mother hears a crash in the lounge room and runs in to find her 4 year old son, cricket bat in hand, standing next to a shattered window. "What happened?" she asks. Contrite, looking away, the boy answers, "Nothing.". When it comes to acknowledging difficult emotions, we often adopt the strategy of the young cricketer. If we deny that the emotions are there, then maybe we can avoid the consequences of feeling them. But we have about the same chance of hiding our emotions as the boy has of convincing his mother that all is well with the window. Feelings are too powerful to remain peacefully bottled. They will be heard one way or another, whether in leaks or bursts. And if handled indirectly or without honesty, they contaminate communication.
Feelings Matter
They are often at the heart of difficult conversations Our failure to acknowledge and discuss feelings is what derails a startling number of difficult conversations. Framing feelings out of a problem is one way we attempt to cope with the dilemma of whether to raise something or avoid it. The potential costs involved in sharing feelings makes raising them feel like too big a gamble. When we lay our feeling on the table, we run the risk of hurting others and of ruining relationships. We also put ourselves in a position to get hurt. What if the other person doesn't want to hear? By sticking to the the 'business at hand', we appear to reduce these risks. The problem is that when feelings are at the heart of what's going on, they are the business at hand and ignoring them is nearly impossible. In many difficult conversations, it is really only at the level of feelings that the problem can be addressed. Framing feelings out of the conversation is likely to result in outcomes that are unsatisfying for both people. The real problem is not dealt with, and emotions have an uncanny knack for finding their way back into the conversation, usually in unhelpful ways.
- Unexpressed Feelings Can Leak Into The Conversation
- Unexpressed Feelings Can Burst Into The Conversation
- Unexpressed Feelings Can Make It Difficult To Listen
- Unexpressed Feelings Can Take A Toll On Our Self-Esteem & Relationships
A Way Out Of The Feelings Bind
By following a few key guidelines you can greatly increase your chances of getting your feelings into your conversations in ways that are satisfying.
- First, You Need To Sort Out Just What Your Feelings Are
- Second, You Need To Negotiate With Your Feelings; and
- Third, You Need To Share Your Actual Feelings, Not Attributions or Judgements About The Person
Contact coaching4success to help you apply these guidelines. Coaching4success is experienced in coaching people through difficult conversations.
Contact our Lead Coach Kaye Blackburn on +61 7 3392 0515 or by e-mail kaye@coaching4success.com.au practical, efficient & economical If you've been wondering how to get your business moving - the search is over. I've discovered a great electronic tool! It's called 'Send out Cards'. You can keep in touch with loved ones and business contacts by sending heartfelt cards to their snail mail boxes. You remember - the sort you used to get before e-mail. It's fast and easy to use. You sit at your computer and access thousands of cards. You can even make your own cards from your personal photographs. Send out Cards also allows you to personalise cards with your own handwriting and signatures. The possibilities are endless. Never again will you have to remember to buy the right card within the right timeframe. Send out Cards does the work for you. Everyone loves a free gift - so I have set up a free gift account so you can send a heartfelt card now. Go to www.sendoutcards.com/coaching4success. It just might make your life richer than ever before. You be the judge.
C'est Magnifique!
c'est magnifique! never looked so good - our lead Coach, Kaye Blackburn has been 'diligent' since 28th December 2008 - not drinking alcohol and eating in a balanced way. She has reduced her weight by 8kg, to be at her perfect weight for height ratio. Kaye has worked on her 'personal foundation' as well as seeking support from a fitness coach at her local gym. Her goal now is to maintain this level of fitness. Would you like to join 'checking in' on her accountability?
Glowing Recommendations
Congratulations Kaye! In March Kaye passed a significant milestone in her coaching career. She has been awarded the designation 'Corporate CoachU Certified Graduate'. This indicates that Kaye has completed all of the required class room hours for Corporate Coach U Graduation, passed all of the course exams with a score of 80% or higher, has been mentor coached by an ICF Certified Coach, coached at least 500 coaching hours, been recommended by two ICF certified coaches and successfully defended her application before the Certification Review Committee which also included an actual coaching session.
Feel The Magic
Kaye's niece, Emma was married the week before the devastating Victorian bush fires. At the time of the wedding the temperature was 48c in the outdoor marquee!
chicks in pink news
incredible but true - Kaye joined 6,000+ runners and walkers in the 'Chicks in Pink' International Woman's Day fun run, which raised a significant number of dollars toward breast cancer support. Kaye ran well in her age category and met lots of fun people, while sweating in the Brisbane heat.
coaching4success - transforming potential into successexperience it!
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